I had an epiphany on the train today.  I realized why so many couples are miserable and unhappy with their relationship. 

Technology, that cold hearted bitch, pulled an arrow from his quiver and sliced Cupid's throat open.  

Romance is on life support and I blame electricity. 

There are far too fucking many ways to be in constant contact with the rest of the world.  Cell phone, house phone, email, text message, instant message, blackberry instant message, pagers, two way radios, facebook, myspace, twitter, blogs, skywriting.....

Everyone of these intended to keep people in constant contact and giving updates to everyone about everything that happens in your day. But what really happens is each one of these media of the heartless equates to one more way for someone to feel neglected or forgotten.   

With all these avenues of communication, it is hard to believe that someone may ever actually be in a drop zone or legitimately be busy and unable to answer the infinite ways you are cyber stalking them.

It is impossible to feel romantic or spontaneous or eager to be near someone when you know their every move throughout the course of the day.

"Bobby Lynn is eating a bagel and not caring about carbs."

Who gives a fuck?!

The people on those dumb ass networking sites are not your friends. 

They don't honestly give a fuck about your stupid ass 'cause if they did, they would meet with you in person and share a face to face conversation with you over coffee or a meal instead of instant messaging you random observations from their daily activities. 

Does anyone remember when it was a big deal to call your parents at work?  I used to have to be bleeding from the head to interrupt my father at work.  He would get soooooo tight with me if I called him at work.  

I don't think my grandmother ever called my grandfather at work unless it was a complete and dire emergency, of the burning-house-aliens-landing-and-snatching-our-children variety.  

That form of distance probably sounds bizarre in this day and age, but when he got home from work, they did something most of us NEVER do....

They would kiss and hug and share dinner with their children with the TV off. They would act like a family. Laughing and talking and sharing conversation with each other.

Why don't we have anything really to talk about over our meals? 

Why is it easier to congregate in front of the TV and chew with our mouths open instead of sharing delightful anecdotes about what we've been through?

I don't think it has anything to do with that ridiculous book and movie about ________ just not being into ___________.  I think it has more to do with the fact that we're all far too fucking into each other and in constant contact with one another.  

Doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder?

How can we be absent from one another when we are only ever physically apart but still completely around each other technologically?

I mean, its all good to be able to holla at your homegirls about whatever random foolishness that crosses your mind, and to keep up with your children when they are away from home or traveling without you, but is it absolutely necessary to call your honey as much as you do?

Is it because of distrust, or because you genuinely have that much to share with whomever?

I know a gang of you tried to say it's cause you wanted to let your lover know everything that crosses your mind every time it crosses your mind.  The truth or the matter is you're doing it because you don't trust that when they don't pick up their phone, it's cause they can't so you call again and again and again. 

You call to the point that you become a pest and when they finally answer, the conversation becomes more about "Why the fuck didn't you answer the phone?" instead of whatever it was that you originally wanted to share.  

When did it stop being ok to not want to talk on the phone?  

I mean, just because you can get in constant contact with someone, does that alleviate them from the right not to want to be in constant contact?

What happens when you start updating your facebook status less and less and everyone gets worried about you 'cause it's been 2 days since you last logged in?  

When people start policing how long it has been since you last instant messaged them, claiming to be worries about you instead of calling you to check on you, then you know you have a technology problem.

Everyone needs to get over themselves and stop fucking being so much in each other's space and face. Take a breath and just live life in the moment and in your own skin and not worry so damn much about what everyone around you is doing.

Hang up the phone, close all of your networking sites, and the next time you feel like paging or texting someone you care about, write those thoughts into a  letter, and save it, along with all of your bullshit stories about your day to share over a hot meal with the tv off.

Or you could just buy one of these for his ass and never have to wonder what he's up to:

www.roameoforpets.com